It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
