As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
