Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
