Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
