he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
