i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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