i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
