I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
