I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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