im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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