I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
