And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
