maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize