ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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