OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
