Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
