after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
