So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mom said you looked used
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
