I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
