oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
two words...techno handjob
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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