Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
