I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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