Do you still have your period?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
where are my eyebrows?
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