there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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