I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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