I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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