I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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