you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
