im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
