everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
