Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
