Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
