Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
