I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
