I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
