he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
