no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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