So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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