we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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