I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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