There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
