for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
