dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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