When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
