he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
