my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
