Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
