I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
