Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
