just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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