I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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