thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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