Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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